Thursday, February 18, 2010
A Mother's tour of Heaven
Whenever my kids want to go to a friends house I like to know a few things first. Do I know and trust the parents? How many siblings do they have and how old are they? Will they be staying with a grown up the whole time? Where are they going to sleep? When will they be home again? Are they planning to go anywhere? Not to be nosey, just to be sure that where you are leaving them is a safe place to be.
One of the hardest parts of having a child in heaven is not being able to "see" it first. How can my child, my little girl, be ok on her own in a new place? She's a child, she needs to be cared for. And what about the babies that go to heaven? Are they still babies when they get there? Who cares for them? If we have "mansions" in glory, does Ashley live in one alone? Does she know my family who has gone before her even though she never met them on earth?
Knowing who Ashley was here on earth makes it hard to imagine her in heaven without us. Ashley had a hard time going to friends houses because she really wanted to go, but didn't want to leave home and was afraid of what she'd miss out on by going. She would choose to stay home from birthday parties just to meet a great uncle that she never met before, even if it was only for a few minutes. Ashley shared a room with her little sister, Emma. Ashley was organized and neat. Emma is far from it. Ashley would patiently clean up Emma's mess. She was getting tired of it, but when I offered for her to have the guest room (which is down stairs, and all the other rooms are up stairs) she turned down the offer. Even though having her own room that she could decorate the way she wanted, that would be untouchable to little hands sounded really good, she would rather share a room with a little sister and deal with the mess than be "separated" from the rest of us at night.
Ashley treasured family time. She would describe her best times as times spent together as a family. No matter what we would be doing, if we were all doing it together...she'd say "I just love being all together like this...this is the best." Words could never describe how much Ashley loved us all. She would tell us over and over how much. I miss hearing "your the best mommy I could have ever wanted...Of all the mommies in the world, I'd choose you." If I could just hear it again, and again. "I love you more than ever." Words that I crave. The hugs that lasted forever. Sometimes I'd have to peel her off. She wanted to just hug me forever she'd say. She didn't want to grow up any more, she wanted to be my little girl forever. She loved summertime...being all together, playing outside, not having to leave us to go to school. Now, she is "locked in time" as my 11 year old little girl in a sundress and bare feet.
I have asked God..."could I just have a peek at heaven?" If I could just have a momma's tour of heaven. Just to see that heaven is so wonderful, that she loves being there, that it's a good place for her to be until I can be there with her. This is where faith comes into play. Faith is being sure of the things that are unseen. Faith is not easy. Especially now. I need to trust that all of the things about heaven that I know and have been told and that I can read in the Bible are real and true and are enough. I know Heaven is good enough. It's more than good enough. As an earthly mother, separated from my little girl by this ugly thing called death....faith in the things that are unseen is all I have. Trusting in the promises of my salvation in Christ Jesus is what I have to lean on. Up until now it has always been easy for me to say that I have faith. Even to have faith in little things. Now, fatih is more real than ever. God is asking me "how much faith do you have?" "Do you have faith that can move mountains?" It seems like there should be a lot of things required of me to have such faith. Faith is really quite simple. It's one action. It is letting go and letting God. It is like looking at a chair, being told that it is strong enough to hold you, but the only way you can find out is by sitting in it thus allowing it to bear your weight instead of you.
Yes, I'd like a momma's tour of heaven. I'd like to see it to believe it. I can't see it yet. I have to believe it. I can't forget the song I used to sing as a little girl... "God said it, and I believe it, and that settles it for me. God said it, and I believe it, and that settles it for me. Though some may say that His word is untrue, God said it and I believe it, now how about you? God said it, and I believe it and that settles it for me!"