Because it is Mother's Day, I want to reflect on my Mother, rather than the fact that I am a mother. I still go to my mommy when I need a prayer. I always know she will pray. Prayer is often the only thing I ask for these days. No one can give me what I need, but God. No one can fix my pain each day. No one can give me strength. No one can comfort me. God can. Sometimes I can't pray, but Mom can. What a blessing it is to have a Mom that prays!
When Ashley died, I crumbled. My mom was there but couldn't pick up the pieces. She wasn't enough. As my mother and my friend, she decided to equip herself with the "tools" she needed to help me best. She wanted to know what my life would be like, she wanted to catch a glimpse of the journey I was about to embark on. My mother began to read. She read books about heaven, she read books about one mother's journey through loosing her son. She read about the darkness. Much of it was for her own comfort and desires, but it was because of me that she read. She was preparing herself to meet my needs, she was searching for ways to pray. I am so proud of my mom for caring so much. When she felt helpless, she did not quit. She equipped herself, and went to God, asking Him what I needed.
When I tell her nothing, she prays. I believe she asks God what to pray for. There have been days that I have called in tears. I have been desperate for strength, not knowing how I would face another second. I would ask for her to pray. It is rare that we pray aloud together. Praying is so often done in private. It is something that is not seen, and rarely is recognized in public. We can't take credit for our prayers. They are between us and God. We can rejoice in answered prayer. We can weep when our prayers seem to go unanswered.
It was my last mother's Day. (that was three years ago) Because our business is busiest over Mother's day, I don't usually plan for much! I wanted to do something special for my mom. One thing my mom always wishes for is to have her children with her in church on a Sunday morning. She craves this especially because only one of her children lives close by. Two of us live far away, along with all of her grandchildren. I knew it would be a treat for us to come to church. Since my husband had to care for flowers in our greenhouse that day, I packed up my four kids, drove 2 hours north and showed up on the pew benches of my parents church. I can still remember my mother's face when she realized it was us sitting there. We had a lovely day that day.
Mom, I wish I could give you that surprise today. I do not have the strength. I am so very tired. My heart is so broken. I wanted to do something special for you today. Something that will make you shine. I want to rise and call you blessed. Remember when I was little? Do you remember when I entered that competition in the local newspaper? I had to write a small paragraph about my mom. I wrote about you, and me. That little paragraph won the prize and was published in the paper for Mother's Day. So, today I decided to write this blog about you. You are a wonderful mom. You have been and continue to be my best friend. You give all you can give, and when there is nothing to give but prayer, you just Pray. Thank you, Mom, for saying a prayer for me. I love you! I always will.