Wednesday, August 14, 2013

letting go of something

I am sitting here today with silence in my soul.
I desire something, yet I don't know what it is...Could it be that I need someone to listen to me?
Do I need to cry? I feel like I do, but I can't seem to get the tears out.
I cleaned the bathroom because it was filthy, but sat down now because I don't feel like doing anything else.
I want to do nothing, I think.
I hear the sounds of summer in my ear. The crescendo of the cicada's song,
I hear the wind making music as it gently tosses the wind chimes.
The breeze is cool today, but the sun it warm. It feels and smells like the end of summer.
The stalks of corn in the fields are beginning to brown from the bottom up.
It is tall corn. A good year for farmers.
My garden is getting tired. The cucumbers and tomatoes are sparse.
The bounty of the summer fills my soul.
I can hear my little girls playing outside. They are happy.
One big girl is missing.
I miss her today.....a whole lot.
I wonder what heaven is like today. Is it summer there too? Did she climb a tree?
Did she lay in the grass and read a book under the sky?
Did she run through the fields with her feet free of shoes?
Did she fill her day till it overflows? Did she kiss her Father?
I long for her.
Did she dig potatoes in heaven's garden like we are digging ours now?
Do the butterflies visit the flowers that stand taller than the rest?
The ones who's flower is too heavy to hold  so they lean toward the ground?
I wonder.
Today I can feel the summer slipping away.
It is hard to let go of the summer.
I love it so.
and yet, I wonder how I love it so, when it hurts so bad.
the boy said I can't control the coming and going of summer.
he is right, I think.
That is true with more things than just summer.
it's so hard to let go.
Summer came, and it will go, and soon fall will come....
and I have nothing to do with that.
I can only just capture them in their moments of splendor and bounty.
And, then they too will be gone.
Heaven will not be like this, I think.
No! It will not. I will enjoy all of it all of the time.
My tears are flowing now. I suppose this key pad and letters on a screen were what I needed.

1 comment:

  1. My tears are flowing with you. Thank you for being honest in your grief...and for wondering aloud about places we haven't seen yet, where the splendor and the bounty will never end. Your imagery makes me ache for Home, and for long hellos marking the end of long absences. I love you, dear sister.