The other night a storm rolled in as I was putting the kids to bed. I tried to minimize the threat of the thunder. I tried to hide their eyes from the intense lightening that lit up the dark sky. The day had been long for me. I desperately wanted to give in to the under current of grief that was trying to pull me in throughout the day. I looked forward to putting them to bed so I could find rest for my soul.
I became aware that the storm was not just thunder. It was potentially bigger than that. A Tornado may develop with these conditions. Upon hearing this the kids panicked. I desired to hush them and make them sleep. It was getting late. They were unsettled. One of them asked me to pray for them. As I gathered them up I prayed for God's protection over us. I asked God to take away the storm. I asked him to keep us safe. One of my kids was still scared. The other one said, "it's OK. We prayed about it. God will take care of us. He won't let anything happen to us."
I sat there and agreed. I assured them that we would be OK. God will take care of us. We don't have to be afraid because He is with us always. As I lay in bed with one of my children, I wrestled with God in my head. "I prayed these things to my children. I assured them that you will keep us safe, but I don't know if I believe it! I would be lying to them if I told them that nothing bad will happen. Bad things have happened. Their sister died. Why wouldn't more bad things happen? I can't tell them that they won't. I know you are able to stop bad things from happening, but I know that you don't always. God, I know what I am praying for. I know that the kind of protection that I am praying over them is not the kind that they are asking for."
That night, my children needed to be assured that they would be OK. They needed me to pray with them. As I prayed, I knew that the promises of God that I was calling upon, were not just for physical protection. I knew I could not guarantee that. I was praying, knowing that God would be with us. I Know He promised us that. He will walk with us wherever we go. He will not leave us comfortless. I can't testify that bad things won't happen. They do happen! I can testify that God has been with me. Even in my darkest moments, even when I can't see Him, or feel his presence. Even when things continue to work against me. I know He is there.
After the kids fell asleep and the storm passed, I asked God to show my children the kind of faith He wants them to have. The kind of faith that follows even when we are unsure. Even when we doubt. I asked God to reveal these things to my children in their time. I couldn't tell them these things. These things they must learn on their own. I can live by faith in front of them and pray that they will be faithful.
The next day I had some time to myself. I decided to listen to music in the car as I drove. I usually choose silence in the car, since silence is hard to come by most days. As I listened one of my favorite songs played. A song by Laura Story, "Blessings" Please take some time to listen to it.
Lyrics:
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise
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Wendy, you are such a talented writer! Your blogs are touching and real. When we first heard of your tragedy, I wondered how something like this could happen to such believers. Why would God not save Ashley? If we ALL prayed for her to be found alive, why did that not happen? I often wonder if I could maintain the strong faith that you have if such a tragedy had happened to me. I honestly don't think so!! I know that God had other plans for Ashley! She had such a unique angelic spirit, that maybe he needed her by his side. I know that that doesn't fly well with parents and loving family, but that's what I can come up with. Thank you for sharing as often as you do. Please know that I am STILL praying for our family.... Love Mary Padilla
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